FINDING MY VOICE
In June of last year, I attended the 2nd Annual 60s Scoop Gathering in Winnipeg Manitoba. While on the airplane, I couldn’t help but think about how emotional attending this gathering would be. I mean I was going to my hometown, but Peguis was two hours north of Winnipeg, so I didn’t get a chance to go there, nor did I get a chance to go to Jackhead First Nation despite tentatively making plans to do that with one of my cousins.
While at the gathering, I was majorly reserved because I was attending it by myself and I wasn’t sure how I would be able to contain myself if things got too emotional. There were many speakers and many breakout sessions that we all could attend. There were vendors there also, and man did I shop!
The first day of the gathering, I plunked myself down at a table and shyly looked around. I thought that I would be at a table by myself, but soon other people arrived and sat down at the table I was at. At the beginning I was afraid to speak, and only spoke louder and became more engaged when one of the people at my table said, “I can’t hear you, Christine.”
It reminded me of when I was told that years ago by a former professor and mentor who also became a good friend, and how when I went to the front of my class at the University of Toronto to ask about the price of the textbook, and she told me almost the same thing but also said “You don’t need to keep your head down, look up and speak so I can hear you better.”
Those very words helped me to slowly find my voice albeit rather slowly. I have come a long way since that time I was told to speak up but it is always hard to find your voice when you’re in new situations. I still get discombobulated but can quickly turn it around once I feel comfortable with people.
I write this because while attending this 60’s Scoop Conference, I not only connected with the people at my table, but I also gained new friendships while there. I finally got to spend some time with my cousin Bobbi, meet my other cousin Brenda and Kath and my auntie Doris. That meant the world to me because not only did I get to see them but at the end of the gathering all of the attendees received a blanket, and we were told “Welcome Home”.
Interestingly enough, the theme of the conference was “Finding Our Voices” and we were also told by many of the speakers and the breakout sessions that were there for us that being a part of the 60’s Scoop was also “IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT”.
Hearing those words opened up a sea of feelings that I have tried really hard to push down within me, but I attended a breakout session called Finding Your Inner Child. I don’t know exactly why I wanted to attend that breakout workshop at first but then when I did, I found the reason. We were asked to take a writing prompt from a basket on our tables, and a stone that we could hold in our hands. We also took a piece of red cloth with us. While sitting there and being guided by the facilitator, we finally took our writing prompt and wrote a response which was to be written directly to our inner child.
Writing the letter to my “inner child” had me in meltdown mode because I finally addressed that little girl inside me and in essence told her “You are okay now, you don’t need to keep your guard up around people anymore, and you are loved by many, even though it wasn’t by the people you initially had in your past.”
Writing those words down had me in tears, but I needed those tears to come out, the little girl inside me had never let those tears come out before, and now I’m thankful that I wrote that letter and also attended that 60’s Scoop Conference.
We were heard, we were recognized, and we found our voices.